Live Together

Today is my first day blogging here and I have decided to do so because I have been feeling the need to get my thoughts and feelings out in the open more often. I really don't express myself the way I should and I think that is the major problem here. I live alone in a one bedroom apartment in Farmington Hills, MI, which is fine because I have a lot of family to fall back onto if I need help, but I am 30 years old and I should be doing this on my own. Maybe I am scared of sucess.. maybe I am afraid of what will happen if I do everything right and I have nothing to fix. I am starting to feel better mentally.. no more mood swings, the anxiety is being controlled and now my pain is even being treated. Hell, I am having major ankle surgery so I can live a more normal life.. I am just missing one thing.. a companion.. a lover.. a best friend. My heart is aching for it's other half and I somehow cannot give it to it. I am so alone.. I feel its because of my weight alone with my attitude.. I don't know how to act. What do I do that is pushing men away from me? What is wrong with me?