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Joke Of The Day

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#341 mibrains


    Why do you eat people? Not people...BRAINS

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Posted 23 March 2015 - 04:39 PM

thats not a joke...


thats reality.


sometimes the two things get crossed :)

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#342 grassmatch


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Posted 23 March 2015 - 07:14 PM

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to pull out my penis, go, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."

Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."
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#343 grassmatch


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Posted 23 March 2015 - 07:16 PM

bunny muffin happens.

If bunny muffin happens, it's not really bunny muffin.

If bunny muffin happens, it's the will of Allah.

bunny muffin happens because you don't work hard enough.

Why does this bunny muffin always happen to us?

This bunny muffin happened before.

bunny muffin happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna
bunny muffin happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism
Send more bunny muffin.

No bunny muffin.

Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, bunny muffin happens.

There's nothing like a good bunny muffin happening.

Christian Science
bunny muffin happens in your mind.

Maybe bunny muffin happens, maybe it doesn't.

Let's smoke this bunny muffin.

What is bunny muffin anyway?

This bunny muffin doesn't bother me.

#344 grassmatch


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Posted 25 March 2015 - 06:48 PM

Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.

#345 Wild Bill

Wild Bill

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Posted 05 April 2015 - 12:32 PM

 'Hello, is dis the Ontonogon Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Ole  Johnson...He's hidin'  marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside dem logs, but he's hidin' it dere.'

'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

The next day, twelve of Ontonogons finest Sheriff's Deputies descend on Ole's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Ole and leave.


Shortly, the phone rings at Ole's house.

'Hey, Ole! Dis here's Sven.... Did the Sheriff come?'


'Did they chop your firewood?'


'Appy Birtday, buddy!'

Edited by Wild Bill, 05 April 2015 - 12:33 PM.

#346 Quadcarl


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Posted 05 April 2015 - 12:55 PM

I like to tell people Howe Long is a Chinese name.

90% of them think I'm asking a question, hehe :)

When I was a concrete foreman before I broke my neck I got a few new hires asking all day how long one is!
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