Study: More Aging Conservative Voters Forgetting Who They Hate
A new study conducted by the Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies has revealed that an increasing number of the nation's conservative voters are starting to forget who they hate.
The study's findings bode poorly for the future of a Republican Party that is perilously dependent on the ability of its aging white base to remember that they detest gays, Mexicans, Muslims and socialists, among others.
"The severity of this problem can't be overstated," remarked JCPES Senior Research Associate Paul Ramos, "These people are the GOP's foundation, and more and more of them can't remember which of their own children they hate, let alone billions of people they've never even met."
A multiple-choice portion of the study designed to test respondents' ability to hate homosexuals found that 11% of conservatives incorrectly defined the word 'faggot' as a kitty-cat, up from 5% in 2002.
"Who's a fuzzy wittle faggot? My Mister uh… oh, what's that faggot's name?" commented one 82 year-old conservative woman.
Perhaps even more troubling for the GOP is the rising number of elderly conservatives who've actually assumed the identities of those they formerly despised as a result of dementia or stroke.
Former American Families Coalition President James Manning, now known as Culo Caliente, leader of San Antonio, Texas's first transgender mariachi band, proclaimed: "Me amo toda la gente del mundo! No tengo tiempo para el odio!" ("I love myself all the people of the world! I do not have time for the hatred!" )