Need Pro Advice: My Bf Smokes 24/7

[nakacg06]

I've come to this forum because I want advice from someone who knows what they are talking about.
Let me start by saying that I smoke too, just not as often or as much because it just doesn't do what it used to for me and I don't enjoy it (clearly) as much as he does. I also feel that you shouldn't need to use any substance as much as he does. I could be wrong though....which is why I need some advice.

My boyfriend, let's call him John, works a 9-5, M-F job, hits the gym on a regular basis, enjoys football and hanging out with friends occasionally. He's not much of a drinker but he likes to have a good time. A chain of unfortunate events led him to some pretty heavy drugs a few years back, but he has been clean and sober for a year now and says he has marijuana to thank for that.

Now, I really don't want to be that complain girlfriend that tells her boyrfriend what to do....he's a grown man and can make his own decisions. But at what point does marijuana go from being a useful medicine to being drug abuse?

He smokes before work, when he comes home and before he goes to bed. His past experience with drugs has left him with anxiety, insomnia and from what he tells me, he's always had a problem focusing and marijuana helps him with those things. I can never tell when he's high. He always just seems normal to me. But my fear is that he is using it to escape. And sometimes I feel like smoking is more important to him than I am.

Am I over reacting? Just because it doesn't help me in the same ways it helps him, does that mean it's wrong?

 

[+Malamute]

I would say overly concerned, which is a wonderful thing for a significant other to have. :-)

 

This does not sound like an issue at all to me though by what you said, and I would be thankful beyond belief that it has helped him stay off of other drugs,... and if ya had to pick a crutch to lean on,... he picked the right one. :-)

[Restorium2]

Maybe you could ask him if he would like to try a vaporizer? That's probably the best avenue for improving his medical use. Offset some of his smoking with a healthier way to ingest cannabis. There's always room for improvement. Give it a try.

[pic book]

be neutral on the subject and quietly supportive, and quiet is the key word.  

[MightyMightyMezz]

Three times a day sounds pretty reasonable.  Some people are fiends!  They will sit and smoke a big old bag in one sitting if they get their hands on it.  

[nakacg06]

Yeah, I try not to say too much about it, especially since it would hypocritical of me. When I smoke, I just don't feel productive. I don't go to the gym, I eat more, I have more trouble sleeping.....I much rather have a productive day and then come home and drink a glass or two of whiskey. But the more I hang out with him, the more I do it and that just doesn't make me happy. I think I need to work on my own self control and remind myself that it's okay for him to like it and for me not to. It's just so important to him....I wish I could share his passion for it I guess. But I am very grateful that he has found something to help him turn his life around. He has been through a lot and just deserves to be happy. I just don't want marijuana to be a crutch. My mom was/is addicted to pills (which, I know, is different) and I don't want John going down another path of addiction. Like I said before though, it's hard for me to even understand where that line is between medical marijuana use and addiction.

[MightyMightyMezz]

Now I would also have to say a glass or two of whiskey a day sounds like a lot of alcohol.  You talking a shot mixed into a glass or like several shots worth?  

[nakacg06]

A shot mixed in a glass. And thats usually only on the weekends. Which is probably equivalent to same amount of marijuana that I smoke. Now, if John drank, took pills or even smoked cigarettes as much as he smokes marijuana, I would think he had an addiction. Why is it not considered addicition with marijuana??

[garyfisher]

nak,  To each their own. 

 

As long as your man is taking care of business, everyday and not ignoring his priorities in life, Its not a problem.

Drug use becomes drug abuse when priorities in life are neglected in order to get high.

Your man sounds like he has his act together with an active job, working out at the gym on a regular schedule.

[t-pain]

My boyfriend, let's call him John, works a 9-5, M-F job, hits the gym on a regular basis, enjoys football and hanging out with friends occasionally.

be happy with that, or find someone you think is better. good luck!

[I wood]

A shot mixed in a glass. And thats usually only on the weekends. Which is probably equivalent to same amount of marijuana that I smoke. Now, if John drank, took pills or even smoked cigarettes as much as he smokes marijuana, I would think he had an addiction. Why is it not considered addicition with marijuana??

Because cannabis is not addictive, but it can habit forming.

[t-pain]

to answer your question on addiction.

 

ad·dict·ed/?'diktid/adjective

physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects.

 

so someone who drinks coffee every day would probably be addicted to coffee.

 

addiction itself is not something to be scared of.

a lot of us are addicted to something, it could be harmless, or it could be harmful.

 

the thing to ask yourself is if the marijuana use is harming his or your life?

is he spending all the money on pot?

is he causing fire hazards or other unsafe behavior?

is he driving while intoxicated?

is his marijuana use ruining your date/sex/social life?

is he able to keep a regular job and keep himself healthy physically?

has the marijuana changed him, made him angry/depressed or other mental issues?

 

you're getting the replies here in a certain frame because many of us believe that marijuana itself is not more addictive than coffee.

 

so when we see politicians say "marijuana is addictive" , we feel it is more reefer madness propaganda instead of the truth. i'm not saying people cant get addicted to marijuana, i believe some people can be of course. just not in the numbers printed in the press releases and news reports.

 

you're asking us to judge someone based on a few sentences, so its difficult for us. i understand keeping privacy too, so i'm not asking for more info either. its just something you are going to have to make a list of pros and cons and see where your bf falls in.

[MightyMightyMezz]

A shot mixed in a glass. And thats usually only on the weekends. Which is probably equivalent to same amount of marijuana that I smoke. Now, if John drank, took pills or even smoked cigarettes as much as he smokes marijuana, I would think he had an addiction. Why is it not considered addicition with marijuana??

 

A coupla shots on the weekend - that sounds reasonable also.  

 

Addiction means you will be in trouble if you don't get your fix.  Cannabis isn't like that.  There are no withdrawal symptoms.  It doesn't hurt if you don't smoke.  It might be true that smoking helps him deal with whatever caused his addiction in the past so it is possible he could be in trouble without his smoke.  That's not the smoke's fault though, right?  It sounds like it is only helping him.   

[trichcycler]

Aw Naka , what kind of name is that hun? I told you that as soon as you come here asking about this that everyone would know you and I are well, you know.

 

anyways, thanks for violating my privacy woman. I'll let you know when marijuana becomes a problem for me. If its a problem for you, move on please. I would never want to waste life time of someone I love.  YOu could give me the ultimatum and suggest I quit or else you will leave, and then enjoy your life semi smoke free.

 

I wonder if Indian women cared as much about the peace pipe use as they did the fire water use?

 

all in humor lady. just love him, be happy you have him in your life for now. if you do not feel loved just tell him that, its got nothing to do with his video games, marijuana use, or even his obsession with keeping fit, which is very attractive to most chicks I know.

[nakacg06]

Lol, Grassmatch! You had me scared for a second there.

 

I really do appreciate the words of wisdom. And I knew this site would be a tiny bit bias, but I hear so much of the rest of the worlds bias!  I just need to hear about it from people who understand; who can truly be real and down to earth about it all.

I just want the best for him.

 

I wish the government would legalize it already.... it would make me worry less.

[trichcycler]

avoid alcohol for the win. his win. both of your wins. both of you should avoid it. He needs to feel trusted and loved, and soon he'll tell you all about that part of his life YOU know he doesn't share. You'll have a full understanding, at least enough to continue loving him for the man he is. He's taken huge strides in his life and made positive choices that are leading him to fulfillment. I hope you're here when he arrives. there is nothing more important than being with the one you love. love him, he'll love you back forever. I know these things.

 

stick around please, and let us in on your love, life, and progress. YOu may have a unique perspective here worth exploring I think. My wife of 30 years was you, in tenth grade where I met her. Same concerns even.   If she used medical mj, she'd be telling you the same thing in this thread.  

[nakacg06]

Ugh, Grassmatch. It's like you're in my head. I hope I get the chance to continue to get to know him. There is a lot burried deep inside him. But he's such a great person and I wish he could see himself like I see him. He just gets in his own way sometimes.

[trichcycler]

he will see himself. and if you're there when it happens, I suspect he'll love you more for stickin it out. let him grow at his own pace. boys are a little slower ya know.

My wife blames my quick maturation on morning sex, might work for him too.  

Its a great way to start each day, and even keeps us focused on more important things, like life, love, and helping others.

[Habenero]

From my research you can't get addicted to marijuana. But like some1 up there said you can become dependent on it just like coffee. If he's doing the right things then it prolly isn't a problem. Good old restorium said you should encourage him to vaporize. I agree. That's what I do. Healthier for you.

 

Only problem I see is u say he seems to care about smoking more than you. In AA they teach you that when you put something above your significant other's feelings and stuff that is when you know you hava problem. A lot of people are functional alcoholics where they can do everything right but still drink too much. You can be dependent on a lot of stuff like video games. You can't be addicted to video games but u can be dependent on them. You can have a functional dependence where u do everything u should be doin but still play constantly or u can be non functional where u don't shower or eat right because of it. Tell him how it makes u feel. Communicate your feelings. Could be just natural lag in the relationship and have nuttin at all to do with smoking. It may just be a relationship prob and not a use problem.

[Norby]

As far as i know MJ is recommended as much as needed to alleviate symptoms, possibly because it is non-toxic?  If it alleviates symptoms I wouldn't consider it abuse, myself, being biased.

Personally, I cut down use(smoking/vaping) by taking medibles.  They last a lot longer and definitely curb the urge to hit the vape or pipe/bong/joint, etc.  I've noticed adding CBD pills has curbed a lot of my anxiety/obsessive behaviors also(hitting the bong/smoking cigarettes).

Like others have said I wouldn't be worried unless it affects behavior or priorities/money. 

Then I'd say grow your own if money is a problem.

[imiubu]

Dang girl, does he have a single brother? lol, jk.

 

Welcome to the site

 

 

 

 

grass, man I actually teared up a bit there.

[phaquetoo]

A shot mixed in a glass. And thats usually only on the weekends. Which is probably equivalent to same amount of marijuana that I smoke. Now, if John drank, took pills or even smoked cigarettes as much as he smokes marijuana, I would think he had an addiction. Why is it not considered addicition with marijuana??

Hi!  Your B.F is not abusing mmj in my world, If he is only using it 3 to 4 times a day it is realy no dif than a pt on rx's, but mm dont kill you, and it is not addicting, let me explain so called adiction to mj, If you are using mmj for medical or just to do it, it is better than any other kinda crutch including eating your self to death,,,,,,when some one doesnt have mmj they most def want it, their minds wants it, because it makes you feel good, but if you went a week w/o it you would not feel any kind of with draw symptoms other than you realy would like to have some!

 

I have a friend who actualy smokes 4 oz's a week and has been doing that for over 20 yrs now, he had cancer in the 80's and he was already using mj, he had an unoprebal foot ball sized mass in his chest stomach area!  He was told he would be dying from it, his friends including me used to drive him to henry ford in detroit every day for chemo and or radiation, when we would get to the cancer part of the hospital if he didnt bring in his rolling tray or a few joints the nurses would ask him why!  They let him smoke in the waiting room, we used to drive him from houghton lake to detroit daily, he smoked joints like I smoked cigs (he dont smoke tobaco)  I would most def smoke with him, but no to much, my friend is an awsome business owner, dirt bike champ, oval track motor cycle racing, ice racing, and you name it, he has more trophy's and has won more bike races than any one I have read about!

 

His massive growth disapeared from his treatments, and Im pos mj helped him with that, it did give him and appetite and he is still cancer free and smoking daily living in hawaii now!  His business is a crane operator, and he lifts trust for builders, and he is always under the influeince of mmj, he is the best at what he does and most people know what his medicine is, he has never hid his use!

 

I would be happy for your b.f that he is off of narcotics and not an alcoholic, you dont have to use as much as him if it dont make you feel right, it will save you both money also, there is nothing wrong with using mm, I would suggest a vaporizer, it is better for your lungs and you actualy feel the effects of mm with lower doses, and what I have found is when I vape I normaly get motivated to do more than I would if I just smoke a bowl or joint,

 

If it is causing you to not pay bills on time than that would be a problem that would need discussing, other wise if he isnt hurting you or any one around him, let him be him, dont try and change him, you may not be happy with what you wind up with!

 

Best of Luck!

 

Peace