Exit Polls Indicate Nation Suffering From Severe Memory Loss

[Wild Bill]

Exit Polls Indicate Nation Suffering from Severe Memory Loss

 

  By Andy Borowitz

 

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Exit polls conducted across the country on Election Day indicate a nation suffering from severe memory loss, those who conducted the polls confirmed Tuesday night.

 

According to the polls, Americans who cast their votes today had a difficult time remembering events that occurred as recently as six years ago, while many seemed to be solid only on things that have happened in the past ten days.

 

While experts were unable to explain the epidemic of memory loss that appears to have gripped the nation, interviews with Americans after they cast their votes suggest that their near total obliviousness to anything that happened as recently as October may have influenced their decisions.

 

“I really think it’s time for a change,” said Carol Foyler, a memory-loss sufferer who cast her vote this morning in Iowa City. “I just feel in my gut that if these people were in charge they’d do a really amazing job with the economy.”

 

Harland Dorrinson, who voted in Akron, Ohio, and who has no memory of anything that happened before 2013, said his main concern was a terrorist attack on American soil.

 

“I really think we need to put a party in charge that won’t ever let something like that happen,” he said.

 

In Texas, exit polls showed strong support for George P. Bush, who was running for the Republican nomination for Texas land commissioner. “George Bush sounds like the name of someone who would be really good at running things,” said one voter.

 

The national exit polls revealed an electorate deeply fearful of a number of threats, including ISIS, Ebola, and, oh, what was that other thing?

[AmishRnot4ganja]

Could it be cannabis induced memory loss? Do cannabis users vote for Republicans? Do cannabis users even vote at all?

 

I have so many questions about what happened Tuesday. Polling shows that people overwhelmingly believe that the country is going in the wrong direction. I wondered which direction they believed was wrong. Now I know. They apparently believe that liberalism is the wrong direction. So now I guess we get to see how Conservatism is the right direction. More religion, less sex-drugs-rock and roll. More belief that "God" will fix things. Less reliance on science. More blissful ignorance, less questioning of the status quo. This will work, but only if we can shut the goldern liberals up!

 

I hope it doesn't get to the point where it becomes every red blooded Conservatives duty to kill at least one Liberal for God and country.

[t-pain]

Nominee        	Barack Obama	Mitt Romney

Popular vote	65,915,796	60,933,500

Percentage	51.1%	        47.2%

did you think all of the people voting republicans just went away?

[t-pain]

so... when will there start to be lists... you know.

a democratic and a republican business directory / phone book?

 

when will people only support businesses that are ran by people who support their political party?

 

for example , you have a list of grocery stores and what political party they support.

some stores are anti-union like walmart.

some stores are pro-union like kroger (according to http://www.ufcw.org/industries/retail-food/kroger/ )

 

and then you boycott the party/stores you do not like, and shop at the stores that align with your personal party preference.

Edited November 7, 2014 by t-pain

[phaquetoo]

so... when will there start to be lists... you know.

a democratic and a republican business directory / phone book?

 

when will people only support businesses that are ran by people who support their political party?

 

for example , you have a list of grocery stores and what political party they support.

some stores are anti-union like walmart.

some stores are pro-union like kroger (according to http://www.ufcw.org/industries/retail-food/kroger/ )

 

and then you boycott the party/stores you do not like, and shop at the stores that align with your personal party preference.

How about we all just shop american owned stores and gas stations!

 

Peace

[trichcycler]

good start